That essay that I was obssessing over? I got the grade back today. 72. That’s a distinction and I should be happy. I am happy. But also worried. My creative writing was not good: not in a “down on myself” way but in a genuine, “parts of this essay made no sense” way. It will, at best, get a mid-merit, probably lower. So I needed this essay to pull me up a bit. My two courses this semester are much more difficult; they aren’t going to save me. I want a distinction.
The essay jumps from topic to topic, leaping around like my thoughts were. Like fleas. And the punctuation is, as usual, erratic. I have difficulty grasping its nuances. The thing is, that I don’t think these are things I can change. I have always, always had some kind of ridiculous difficulty in punctuating. I have never been able to organise my ideas into something remotely structured. And I can try and try and try but I really don’t think it will help.
So: I am happy. I am, I am, I am. 72 is an amazing grade. Especially at MA. The comments were so constructive and helpful and nice. And last term I was ill.
Oh forget this. I am trying to be positive. I can’t.