Being Home II: The Positive

Naturally, when I’m not “high” or drunk or somehow unlike myself, I feel as if I am quite shy (other people sometimes tell me I don’t seem it; sometimes they agree with me and think I really do).  Yet, I do poetry readings.  I did one yesterday night and I was shaking beforehand.  Afterwards, my knees almost gave out on the way back to my chair from pure nervous energy.  But on stage, in front of people, reading my work… I feel quite comfortable.  It’s developed, to the point where I can read at a normal speed, in a normal voice, not squeaky at top speed.  It’s a bit like the zillion years I had to be The Narrator for school Christmas plays.  I don’t know where I find the energy or the (blush) courage (??) to be in my comfort zone in such an exposing situation but I do.  It helps to be short- fiddling with a microphone is a good ice-breaker.  I’ve been told it’s “endearing”.

The poems I read yesterday were quite personal and I took care to give a very brief explanation of each before reading- it was a mental health and poetry evening so I didn’t feel too embarrassed/ terrified.  One poem was about general one: http://thumbingathought.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/66-how-silence-is-kept/, one was about self-harm and the scars, one was about a friend who had been depressed and the strangeness of my own reactions.  Things that, in “person”, I find it hard to discuss, yet in front of people, with a microphone, I felt comfortable sharing.  Attention seeker, haha.

Afterwards, my two friends gave me a hug and a kiss.  And four different people came up to tell me they’d enjoyed it.  One lady said “thank you for sharing that- it was absolutely lovely” and I blushed my socks off and felt incredibly grateful.  Somewhere in me- I need to remind myself constantly- is someone engaging, confident and capable of holding a room.  Somewhere in me is somebody brave.

Me, reading a story at The Hornbeam Cafe

Me, reading a story at The Hornbeam Cafe

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10 thoughts on “Being Home II: The Positive

  1. Adversity was a loyal friend of mine. She remained quite loyal to me for a long long time. Even until recently. Hence can understand people’s suffering.
    I shall quote here the essence of a poem written by a very famous Indian poet.

    Be not the gigantic tree that gets uprooted by the floods
    Be the blade of grass that bends its head as the floods come
    And then raise it again when the waters have passed.

  2. I guess it’s because when we put ourselves in certain public settings, it’s like acting. I know people are surprised when I admit to being a very introverted person because I come off bubbly and sociable often!

  3. I posted a poem/song lyrics on The Community Storyboard yesterday at http://www.neverendingstorydepository.wordpress.com. It is a really cool place to hang out. I felt a bit shy to post it because it seemed so very personal even though I explained that I was a nurse in a Psych/chem dependency unit…it still seemed so very personal. I used to teach nursing students and never had a problem standing in front of a crowd and talking, but when it comes to my writing, which is often a deep reflection, I sometimes have trouble sharing. That’s why I love blogging and writinbg books so much. it’s rather anonymous. You ARE brave! Keep reading! Keep writing!

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