I’m a Big Kid Now

I was discharged from psych. services a couple of weeks ago.  Apparently they “only do” crisis, rather than any form of ongoing support.  When I asked about keeping well, they gave me a number for Crisis services.  Does this not seem unusual?  I am trying to be responsible with my own mental health.  I have been hospitalised twice this year and I would like to know that it doesn’t have to happen again, that it doesn’t have to reach crisis point before I am able to access help.  I would like to be seen, say, once a month, to check in and make sure I am coping.  Because once it reaches crisis point, I am not especially well able to shout for help.  I don’t always particularly make sense when I’m ill.  Moreover:

[conversation in Edinburgh]
Weird Unpleasant Psych: Well I don’t know that you need the quetiapine.  I’ve never seen you high.
Me: [in my head] Why on earth would I come and see you in other than a self-punishing or desperate state?

Basically, at times when I could do with a hand, I rarely reach out for one.  This year I was extremely lucky, though it didn’t feel so lucky at the time.  But why should it be a matter of luck?  Why should I let weeks of Feeling Generally Unwell* pass, before I am allowed to call?

* Feeling Generally Well is a favourite symptom on the NHS website.  From a slight headache to an overwhelming fever or a brain tumour, Feeling Generally Unwell is on the list of almost every possible illness one could imagine.  When ticking a symptom list, beware of counting Feeling Generally Unwell as an actual symptom, since when you think about it you can feel Generally Unwell quite a lot of the time without being in danger of imminent death.  

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12 thoughts on “I’m a Big Kid Now

  1. I had to battle to get help and eventually went through varies counseling but after a set number of sessions i was back into a long waiting list before i could be seen again. I now finally got through CBT which has given me a few tools to try help myself a bit better so i don’t get to crisis point.

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