I do not think that Salman Rushdie wrote Midnight’s Children to be used as a self-defence tool. But here I am, using it as a block between our bodies. Why?
You. Are. Disgusting.
Here are some lessons in Tube Etiquette. They can also be used in general life:
1) A breast is not a substitute for a hand-rail
2) A breast is not there to be elbowed violently every time you slip because you have failed to use the handrail.
3) Your fingers are not desired wriggling against said breast. Get. Off.
4) After being Rushdie’d, do not look disappointed.
5) When disembarking the train please be aware of other customers and DO NOT ever wink at me again, ever.
You. Nauseate. Me.
Non-consensual touching is non-consensual touching. Do NOT use a crowded setting as your excuse.
Not Yours (so don’t f****** touch me),
[me on the phone to my mum, walking down the street: “the next man to even look at me is going to get slapped so hard his head swings round Exorcist style.” My male cousin D, walking past: “Alright cuz?” D does not get slapped. He is my cousin, and also not a pervert.]