Bad news: Through one accident and another, I stopped taking my medication.  I am spinning out.  Nightmares, faint paranoia, physical withdrawal, depressive symptoms and, like a stalker in the wings, the alcohol craving crept back in.  Every time this happens I question everything again.  Do I need medication?  Or am I just… bad?  Are the meds a lie?  

Good news: I have an interview at Goldsmiths for a course in Teaching/ Writing.  It is a creative writing course but you learn to teach creative writing at the same time: (http://www.gold.ac.uk/pg/ma-writer-teacher/)  You can do a huge range of things with the course.  Eventually, I think I would like to become a Creative Writing therapist.  The course is a strange step- it’s another MA, rather than doing a PhD as I always thought I would. It would be a huge challenge, as some of the education modules are things I have no experience of or background in… But I guess sometimes life takes you in unusual directions…  Now I “just” need to impress at interview!

So sorry for the scattered, poorly written nature of this communication.  I feel disordered, un-spun, and a bit bleak but wanted to update anyway…


12 thoughts on “Update

  1. Becky sorry to hear that you’re not on the meds. You know if they’re working because you can compare what you’re like on them and off them. Maybe that’s a start and maybe you can visit your Dr to talk through options?
    Good luck with the Goldsmiths interview. Looking forward to hear what happens with that 🙂

  2. Best of luck in the Goldsmiths interview 🙂 The course sounds interesting. I hope you feel better soon with the meds and symptoms thing. Don’t punish yourself by staying unwell if the meds do help you *offers a mug of hot choccie*

  3. Best of luck in your interview! When is it? The course sounds really fantastic, you deserve the best things in life. In response to medication, talk to your health professionals, sometimes it’s best to put things in their hands since they’re the ones who know what they’re doing. Best wishes xx

    • Thanks! It’s on the 19th, I am nervous!! But I really hope it goes well. Then all I have to worry about is how on earth I’m gonna fund it… You’re right, I should be talking to healthcare professionals… I shouldn’t be letting it all spiral.

      Best back 🙂 xx

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