Taking It Back

Things you say can be forgiven, but not necessarily forgotten.   As the poem below suggests, I say some awful things when I am unwell.  Filterless.   I can be really vicious, trying to bring everyone down to my level or make them hate me so that my self-destruction seems more acceptable.  Even inevitable.  I know I have hurt people with the sheer volume of the negativity I spew.  Those closest to me have accepted it, accepted me, sealed the wound and moved on with me. Others I have lost or pushed away.  I can’t spend too much time regretting that.  All I can do is try to forgive other people in similar spots.

There are probably things I have said without meaning to, or thinking, that have hurt more than I can know. I know people have said things to me, off-hand, without realising the hours or months of agonising it would cause me.  I think especially as children we are vulnerable to the things people say and the way that they say them, a sensitivity lose some of  as adults.  I can still flinch at half-remembered slights from my teenage years, at things that I imagine would just wash over my head these days… or that, unintentionally, I might say to somebody else?

We also underestimate the positives we can say.  How a compliment can make somebody’s day.  How an “Are you OK?” can change someone’s week.  It is as easy to make somebody feel good as it is to make them feel bad, so sometimes it’s nice to tell people positive things.  Think about the last time somebody told you you looked good, and how it made you feel.  Then ask yourself if you’d like somebody else to feel the same way you did.  Then make them.  Simple.

I always tell my family as I hang up the phone, that I love them.  Imagine I died before I got to make another call?  Imagine they did?  This is, of course, extreme and morbid.  But important.

A friend of mine recently wrote very movingly about her last encounter with a friend who died.  She reflected on whether, had she known it would be the last time she would see him, she would have responded differently to something he said. Her article can be found here:  http://littlemissbond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/thats-what-careless-words-do.html

 

So… words.  You can’t take them back once they’re said.  You should handle them carefully.  Like a fire-eater with flames.

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7 thoughts on “Taking It Back

  1. I also say awful things when I am stressed/anxious/depressed/angry. I try to leave everyone with some good words or an apology if I have been awful because, like you said, I wouldn’t want my last words to be mean.

  2. So true. I wrote something about the power of words with my sister (she’s a singer songwriter) a while back, you might like it: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Words-featuring-Honest/dp/B003TSZTUQ (think you need to download to hear it all). Also, that sensitivity we have as children, and some of us carry through to adulthood, is a gift, I think. But it’s taken me a long time to get here, to really believe this (and I still have days when I forget, and see myself as ‘weak.’). Have you read ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ (http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm)? If not, you might find it interesting (if nothing else!).

    Becky, I’ve read a lot of your work now and really love it all. Your writing has truly blown me away. Everything you write is brilliant and much of it also is probably very helpful to others as well. I’d really love to share some of your writing on twitter, if you wouldn’t mind…? And would you be interested in writing a ‘guest post’ on my blog…?

    Sorry for the mammoth comment by the way, feel free to reply by email. x

    • Thank you so much for your comment! I have been loving your blog, as well. I’ll definitely be downloading the track with you and your sister, and respond by e-mail 🙂 Liking the sound of it already. I might also buy The Highly Sensitive Person, had heard of it.

      I’d be happy for you to share my writing on Twitter, and definitely in writing a guest post, thanks for asking me!

      Was just talking to my mum about your writing and saying how amazing you are, I’m really pleased that you like mine as well! 😀 Thanks again

      x

  3. Hatred is like acid; it also destroys the vessel in which is stored, much like the object on which is it poured.

    I believe we all have moments of annihilation within us. It is important to consider the other person at all times. I tend to run my mouth occasionally, with regret. But I’m learning, I’m evolving, I’ve already developed legs to stand on once I crawled up out of the muck. And this post proves you are gathering yours beneath you, ready to stand, adulthood in hand, mouth in check. Good luck out there, filter intact. Random acts of kindness sighted, full steam ahead.

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