30 Days: Day 11

Day 11: What is the worst thing in regard to your mental illness(es)?

The worst thing is the lack of stability.  I talk the talk about this big fight but I know realistically that my resolve might have drained in a couple of weeks.  I might let go, fall down the slide, end up at the bottom watching my illness reach my dreams only to tear them down.  It is exhausting having to be on constant guard of my moods and emotions, wondering if every blip will turn into a full-blown episode.  It is exhausting working so hard only to convince myself I am not good enough.  It is exhausting wondering if my life will ever amount to anything and, if not, whether it would have had I been a healthy, stable person.

The worst thing in regard to my mental illness is exhaustion.

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9 thoughts on “30 Days: Day 11

  1. That fear, like you said, of never knowing if each small thing will turn into a full blown episode ….

    The way my husband looks at me and treats me so delicately if I get upset, in case I suddenly turn suicidal ….

    Knowing that others NEVER see you as an equal to them, cuz you’re “sick” …

    I could go on but right now I’m here in my hospital bed and they want to take blood. Vampires they are lol.

  2. Lol, I have been sleeping a lot from exhaustion. Not sure if you read it, look at my post from last night regarding allergies.
    Just out of chance, I Googled that an turned up a ton of info.

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