- Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Yes. This is the longest I have ever, ever been without a drink (2 weeks, 3 slip-ups). I have tried so many times to stop for a week or two but only lasted a maximum of four days. At four days the craving is too intense. Panic sets in. I want to cry.
- Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking– stop telling you what to do?
I used to. I am realising now that what they say is right.
- Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
No. I have never wanted to keep from getting drunk.
- Have you had to have a drink in the morning during the past year?
Yes. Last year it was at its worst. I would get desperate for a drink and wake up with it the first thing on my mind. I kept alcohol in my room just in case I couldn’t face getting to the kitchen. It hasn’t been so bad this year. I have mainly kept it to evenings. But that doesn’t mean the desire isn’t there.
- Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
Yes. So much. I have never been able to be like that, not since I very first started drinking. Funnily, when I started university I prided myself on being nothing like everyone else, having already had my drinking experiences so not needing to go wild. So instead of going wild I was home, getting drunk, alone.
- Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
- Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Rather not say.
- Do you ever try to get ‘extra’ drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
I usually get drunk before the party starts.
- Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don’t mean to?
I’ve stopped telling myself that because I know it isn’t true.
- Have you missed days off work because of drinking?
Actually, no. I always go to my seminars even if I’m out my head.
- Do you have blackouts? Real ones. Not just “Oh I can’t really remember” or “Haha did I really do that?” But genuine blackouts with no recollection, during which I ahve sometimes done terrible things.
- Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
I know it would. My medication would work better. With that sorted, I would have a real shot at being genuinely happy.
What’s your score?