In September, I have a place on a course at Goldsmith’s.  I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think.  Basically it is an M.A. called Writer/ Teacher, on which you hone your Creative Writing skills while taking education modules to enable you to teach creative writing to others.  I think it sounds great and, while not a PhD as planned, might really suit me.

Other people think I should give myself a break from stress.  That if this M.A. has stressed me out to the point that it has, maybe rushing into another is a bad idea.  That maybe I should take some time out, claim benefits, volunteer, or take a less stressful job.  I don’t think I can afford to do those things, financially or mentally.  After my degree I spent two years semi-unemployed (16 hours a week as a pub toilet cleaner).  I spent those years so unhappy.  Granted, there are jobs that cause less distress than pulling a Scottish Highers textbook out of a dirty loo, but I think most jobs are pretty stressful.  I would rather be getting stressed out doing something I love, than getting semi-stressed over something I hate.

As I have mentioned before, being ill has made me more determined to do well.  And I feel a determination not to let any more of my life be spoiled by this.  If I lie back and let it, it will claim me.  I can’t be claimed.  I need to do and be the things I want and I can’t do those things living in fear of the Demon Stress.  Life is stressful.  I can’t avoid life on the off-chance it stresses me out a bit.  Can I?

Still, I’m doubting myself.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I’m destined for the Jobcentre and Oxfam.  There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not what I wanted my life to be like.


10 thoughts on “Stress

  1. I think you should follow your dreams ! I’m waiting to hear back from my masters programs and my mom sAys if it doesn’t work out I can always get a job at a supermarket and try again next year. It’s all nice and good to know it’s not the end of the world but it’s not what we want ! We like the stress and pushing ourselves

  2. Everything worth having is stressful. If it was easy, would it really be worth it? Would you really have any sense of self accomplishment? Your a strong woman. And we’re here when you trip to help you back up.

    • 🙂 Thanks! Yep, it’s always good to be able to take your own advice… easier said than done, though. Unfortunately, it has transpired that there’s NO way I’ll have the funds to do the course…

      • I recently went under a lot of stress at work after shielding myself from it after a particularly bad episode two years ago. I found I functioned ok. I think you shouldn’t worry too much about the stress part, you will sort that out when it comes

      • I think you’re right. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Glad to hear that you functioned OK under stress, gives me some hope.

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