Character Defects

Today in an internet support group, the subject was Character Defects.  I wasn’t going to say anything and then I had to face it.  I’m scared that my character defect is cruelty.  I can be kind, generous and nice, definitely.  But somewhere piercing through that is a streak of cruelty I find it hard to look at.  I have had it pointed out to me, more than once, that I am not an exceptionally good friend when I am drinking.  And I know that I have said and done some evil things while trying not to drink.  And enjoyed it.  But I can’t assume it’s all because of alcohol.  I can’t make the mistake of blaming all my defects on something else, in the same way that I can’t use bipolar as an excuse for some of my behaviours.  So I have to face up to it.  I imagine it, twisted, blood red, vein blue, streaking its way through me like a snake.  Cruelty.  Who knew?

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6 thoughts on “Character Defects

  1. Pingback: Professional Space | stunnedandstunted

  2. We can all be cruel- especially when we are drinking or struggling with other issues. While this can be a hard thing to come to terms with- mostly because it hurts our egos and calls into question our ideas about “who we are”- I think that in many ways, it is also a step towards growth. As you continue in recovery, you will develop a new, more compassionate understanding of these instances of cruelty. Usually we are not “cruel” for the sake of being “cruel;” instead, we are acting out of fear, anger, resentment or selfish, self-seeking motives. Although coming to terms with that is not always easy either, we learn that that is part of the reason that we are drinking and suffering in the first place- and that there is solution that works to make right those wrongs and continue down a new, much less cruel path. Wishing you all the best as you continue towards that path one day at a time!

    • Thank you for this wise and inspiring comment! It makes a lot of sense. I’m trying to front up to who I’ve been (“acted like”) as compared to who I “am”. Still continuing down the recovery path, hoping I can be less cruel, kinder, more “me”… as I want to be. Again… thanks!

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