Submission- 2

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Submission:

1. the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person

2. the action of presenting a proposal, application, or other document for consideration or judgement.

I am struggling with the concept of powerlessness.  I can readily accept that with the amount I was drinking, and the consequences of it, my life had become unmanageable.  I wasn’t managing it well, and there is no-one else who can, or should, manage my life for me.  So that’s that one out the way.

However.  I was raised with a belief in free-will- and schooled in a religion trapped between the seemingly binary opposites of free-will and predestination- which is a struggle enough to get your head around and learn to accept.  My basic understanding of morality is that I have a responsibility to do right: by others, by myself.  A responsibility.

So to be told to accept my powerlessness?  I don’t struggle with that in the same way that I have read and heard some other people do.  I don’t struggle with it because of a sense of pride, an unwillingness to admit that I am powerless.  I would love to take a step back from all this and say that none of it is within my power, and I would like to rely on somebody else or something else to help me regain control.  But I can’t.  Because I am in control.  I believe everyone is.  I can accept, when I feel generous towards myself, that my alcohol problem is not a choice, or something I created for fun.  That’s quite obvious in light of all the trouble it’s caused me.  I can accept that to an extent I lose control of my behaviours when I am “out of it”.  What I refuse to accept is that it is not within my power to choose not to get into that state in the first place.  Everyone has free-will, everyone has both the right and the responsibility to make choices on his or her own behalf.  You don’t have to pick up a drink just because it’s there.  And for people who argue that the powerlessness comes in once they have already picked up their first drink, and are powerless over ordering another?  If your goal is to never drink again, then what happens after your first drink should be irrelevant.

I’ve written here, and thought a lot, about whether or not I believe in God or similar.  And one thing I know, is that whatever I believe in, free-will is in there somewhere.

Free-will does not leave a person powerless.

I am not powerless.

That doesn’t mean I’m not weak.

It means I can be strengthened.

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