Actually, It Sucks…

I am thankful every day that I didn’t do worse damage to myself.  Let’s have that out there first.

But it’s too easy to be flip, glib, even optimistic about this.  What I did was a serious act of self-injury, one with potentially life-long repercussions.  It isn’t just a scar.  It will heal, but every day for more than six weeks from now will be a struggle.  It affects the clothes I can wear, the way I can walk, the spaces I can occupy (priority seats, disabled toilets, even the shower).  So yes, of course I am grateful that it wasn’t worse.  What could have happened is chilling to think of.  The possibilities are nearly endless.  But what did happen is bad.  It’s painful, it’s frustrating, and it upsets me.  

As I said, I will be grateful every day that I didn’t do myself worse damage.
But I will be struggling every day to face the damage that I did.

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13 thoughts on “Actually, It Sucks…

  1. Admitting that you did something serious is one of the toughest things to recognise. It’s hard for us to blame ourselves especially when one is in such a vulnerable space. I think you rock and I’m so glad I found your blog. You always keep it real and there’s no toning down your reality.

    Time is the best healer. I believe with time it’s quite possible that you’ll find closure and come to terms with all that has happened.

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