Three Weeks

These three weeks I have struggled harder than I have in a long time.  For the first eight days I couldn’t sleep a wink, or had horrible nightmares when I did.  The headaches were awful.  Those things subsided.  But I feel the cravings like a punch under the ribs, sometimes knocking the breath from me, sometimes literally making me cry.  I’ve had to speak less to friends because my moods have been unpredictable and I know I can’t talk or think about anything else, so I have been steering clear. At the same time I’ve been trying to reach out to people, but that’s hard too.

Last night I didn’t think I would make it through.  I told myself I was waiting up to count the hours to three weeks.  In truth, I was only counting down the minutes until the Chinese restaurant that delivers vodka closed.  I smoked countless cigarettes, talked in chat-rooms, spoke to friends by text.  I cried my eyes out.  I tried to read, listened to music.  The world was falling apart.  But I did it…  It’s done.  There are more days to come.

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12 thoughts on “Three Weeks

  1. Well done on three weeks! In the early days I just hibernated, I read a lot, crocheted (rock and roll) and wrote a journals, if I had had my blog, I would have been writing furiously on it, so just keep up whatevr you can to take your mind off it. Oh, also, there is a webste I used called soberistas.com, it’s a useful resource. Hope you find my comments helpful. xx

    • Thanks very much for commenting 🙂 . Definitely helpful. I’ve been using soberrecovery.com , it’s been great. Will check out soberistas, think I have heard of them. And I, too, have been journalling until I run out of ink!! Today I went to the pub (bad idea, I know) but just had a lime and soda water. xx

  2. Congratulations, although I have never been classed as an alcoholic, I have used alcohol in all the wrong ways, I’d like to think maybe I might be able to drink again, but I’m also preparing myself for the fact I won’t.

    • Thanks for the congratulations 🙂 I appreciate it. Yes, it’s good to prepare yourself, though it is always nice to think that one day you’ll be able to enjoy a social beverage; I hope you can. I need to keep reminding myself that that probably won’t be my reality anymore… x

      • A friend of mine didn’t understand it when I tried to explain to him, it was so sad (& I know I’m repeating what I wrote in a blog entry), but he thought I’d be out drinking again in a few weeks, and then warbled about how we drink to escape reality and the whole thing made me sad. x

  3. Life can be a real challenge most of the time. It seems not to get easier as I get older. As long as we wake up breathing in the morning I figure the day is off to a good start. LOL

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