True God?

I had a difficult time last night.  First, of course, the guy I was speaking to said that if I don’t remember my last drink I haven’t had it.  And I don’t remember it. I have resolved this in my mind: every time I have made a Grand Ceremony out of my Last Drink Ever, I have eventually failed.  This gentle slip into sobriety has been my most successful so far, so I shouldn’t be too bothered about a mere saying.

He also said, that I should believe in True God.  That a Higher Power can’t be Tree or Chair because those things are changing.  The bottom line is God.  (His has a capital letter)

And that I had to be prepared to live my whole life one day at a time.  Someone later pointed out to me that saying “whole life one day at a time” is actually a contradiction, since “one day at a time” means living in the present rather than thinking about your whole life all at once.

Still the things he said got to me, to the point where I came home convinced I would relapse, on the brink of calling the Delivery Service for a bottle, at the very edge of futile tears.

I’m OK this morning.  I have books, I have a nicotine inhalator, I have my life.  I have a 15 piece gratitude list from yesterday.

But I also have tiny seeds of doubt scattered through my mind.

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2 thoughts on “True God?

  1. Grrr… people saying shit like that bothers me… actually really angers me…

    1. Only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You have that… therefore you are a fully, complete 100% member of AA as much as he, me, you of the next man whether 1 day sober, 40 years sober, all your step work signed off by some egotistical school master substitute sponsor or only read the intro to 12 & 12… So that is that dealt with.

    2. Not aligned with any (ANY… I’ll say that again… ANY) denomination etc. etc. I know people 20 years plus sober who are atheists. I’m closer to an atheist than an agnostic and totally not religious at all and I’m sober 10 years – so he’s talking shit. Search for Vince Hawkins atheist 12 steps – he has two great books one of which might help you like they helped me…

    Don’t doubt yourself – I’m here to tell you that I’m sober and don’t meet his elitist ideals… ignore him. Talk to others till you find ones you like who talk to your heart and you desire their sobriety I’m sure they are there… I’ve found plenty of them. Good Luck

    • Thank you so much for your well-thought comment. It’s restored a bit of my hope, I was miserable last night. I will check out the books you mentioned, they might really help. I am glad you think he was talking shit, was just feeling so confused by what he said.

      Thanks, again.

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