My Friend

7/10/2014.  Two years exactly since my friend Felix died.  I haven’t exactly been consistent in keeping the promise I made to his memory: day by day, I promised that I would make the most of my own life.  The last two years have seen a lot happen in my life: three hospitalisations, a broken ankle, the deaths of two grandparents, the completion of an MA, the start of a new one, starting with meetings.

I may not have been consistent in my promise to Felix’s memory in the past.  Since I stopped drinking, though, I am learning day by day to do what I said I would- to live my life with gratitude, with grace and with love.  To accept the days as they come and go.  To try to be a better person.

To try is often to fail.  How many times have I said “never again” only to do the same things over and over?  How many times will I do that again?  I don’t know, I can’t know.  I can assume that there will be more failures, more struggles, more difficulties.  I can also assume that there will be more successes, more easy rides and more happiness.  That’s how life works- it’s in constant flux and it changes day by day.

One thing I am aware of today is how grateful I am to have had Felix in my life.  We stayed up watching German films and drinking Chinese booze when everyone else had left the Weesperflat.  I showed him the purpose of Bisto.  He shared with me the wonders of German bread.  We were friends.

Not only that but I am grateful to have been around the love he shared with his wife, and the love he was surrounded with by his many friends.  It’s beautiful, and shows what a good and kind person he was.  It shows that love is possible, that friendship doesn’t end, that life can be kind to us.

It makes me sad to look on Facebook and be reminded that he isn’t with us any more… but the many messages and photographs also show me that he is with us, in our thoughts, always.

Love to Felix, and love to his family, today.


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