I’ve been falling into the grey hole recently. Not a black hole, not a flightless tunnel. Just a steady thrum of down-Ness that seems to sap my energy and put a dampener on my happier thoughts. I have plans for the future and hopes for the present but somehow they are blighted by this low, this conviction that settles on my stomach, that things won’t work the way I want.
On the other hand, I know logically that things can be fine. My aforementioned wonderful girlfriend helps me see the light beyond the bleak clouds. And it’s not only her- something about me has changed that won’t just let me slip too far. When I hate my body, or feel I won’t get a job, or think that my financial situation will never improve, I still have the knowledge that things have always got better before, and there is no reason they shouldn’t now.
It worries me a little, nonetheless, to feel so blue. I wrote a post, ages ago, about how careful I am when using colour in my work. I guess a black hole and a blue feeling are not the most imaginative but sometimes there is a reason for cliche… Sometimes they feel like truths. That’s the case now. But it’s something I’ll fight and not alone.